haha funny from G33Klite.com

1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I can't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life? A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ? A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives !!!

What I like about myself (part 2 of blog tour)

What do I like about myself? This is the latest subject willingly thrust upon me. Many in the tour have already posted their thoughts on themselves and for me this has been a bad and maybe good week for me to have this subject.

So, what DO I like about myself?

I like that I'm loyal, sometimes to a fault. I'll look past what others see and say deciding to make my own decision. I've done this for years. Someone may not care for someone else but that doesn't mean I can't. I was once told because a friend of mine had broken up with a guy that I should no longer be friends with him. But I'm sorry just because you two weren't right for each other doesn't mean I can't or won't be friends with them.

I like that I have a rather positive self view. I know I'm not the prettiest woman in the world but I'm not bad looking by any means. I may be a fat woman but I'm still attractive. Not everyone appeals to everyone else but there are people out there that like how I look and I'm comfortable in my own skin.

On that note I also like that when I do lose weight I don't continue to think I'm as big as a barn when clearly I'm not. I know many people who can't see that they have lost weight and that it is an accomplishment. I'm happy that I can be comfortable as a size 20 or a size 14 and realize that there is a difference between the two.

I like that while I may not be the smartest person in the world I do have a great amount of common sense.

I also like that I do have a pretty good grasp on things in that I don't just jump into decisions most of the time. The big ones take time to process and I am well aware of that. I won't just dive head first without making sure the water is deep enough to keep from cracking my head.

I'm happy that for the most part I'm an optimistic person. I believe that in the end things usually work out for the best regardless of the trip to get there.

I'm comfortable in my emotions. I am not ashamed that I cry when I get frustrated. I'm not ashamed that I giggle like a maniac sometimes to keep from crying.

I like that I'm a trusting person. That even when I've been burned in the past I still have the ability to trust again. I may trust differently or be a bit more careful but I refuse to put a wall around myself just because someone was false to me in the past. I believe they are the minority and that if I walled myself off from the rest of the worlds inhabitants I could do myself a great disservice.

I do like myself even with all my fuck ups and failures I do have achievements and successes. I am a good person even if I've done bad things. I have good friends and people who care about me and I wouldn't have that if I was a bad person.

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"
(bonus points if you get the above reference)

What's up?

The following was sent to me in an e-mail with no reference but I thought it was a good read so I'm passing it along. - Grinningcomb

--------------------------------------------------------

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so....... Time to shut UP.!

The Whore

Short post here a couple of people have asked who The Whore is and she is a former friend of double digit years who seemed to care more about her relationship with my husband than with me in the end. And that is a VERY long story short. It is possible (should anyone feel like looking) that a post in January could also be about the whore.

A work gripe

Ok so I work with a lot of blue collar guys. They are welders or machine fabs, all down to earth, half of them have loans they owe to someone somewhere. And these people like to call because they are given the work phone number. Now we have a rule that no welders/machine ops get phone calls unless they are emergencies. And we do have some of those calls because lots of them have kids and sometimes things happen and that's fine.

But when the loan sharks call and I tell them that we don't allow phone calls or messages unless it's an emergency they get snarky. They ask for the manager, I tell them I'm the office manager. They ask for HR I tell them I'm HR. They say they want to speak to the manager of I tell them no because that manager will only repeat what I have already said and that is we don't take personal messages. One man demanded to speak to my supervisor I told him no. He said I HAD to. I replied "says who?" He told me that because we are incorporated I was required by law to let him speak to my sup or have the name of my sup. Neither of which I was going to do. My plant manager is laughing and telling me to hang up on the guy long before now. Finally I told him he wasn't going to talk to anyone but me and hung up on him. He hasn't called back.

Today I had someone call for David or Michelle. I asked for a last name in case it was someone who went by a nickname. She told me a name that didn't match any of my employees. I told her no one worked here by that name. She repeated slowly "D-A-V-I-D or M-I-C-H-E-L-L-E." I repeated just as slowly "No one-by-that-name-works-here." She asked what company it was, I repeated that (I answer the phone "good afternoon " she apparently doesn't know how to listen) and she said "oh goodbye" and hung up....Two minutes later she called again. When I answered the second time she told me she had the wrong number...well no shit sherlock.

You know what grinds my gears?

I have a few co-workers that I consider friends. People I'm willing to do little things for if it is convenient for me. Like buy a bottle of tea if I'm getting myself a chocolate milk or something. I do these things unprovoked and unasked for because I like too. Not a huge thing but just something to bring a smile to the face of one of my friends. Now I do these things in a way that it isn't obvious that I'm doing special things for some of my co-workers but not all. I'll drop a drink in the fridge and then let the person know it's there so they can go get it and no one would be the wiser that it came from me instead of them bringing it in themselves.

Well today one of my friends decides to ask me to bring him in one and he'll pay for it which I don't mind at all. However he said this in front of a new co-worker, one that I'm not all that close to yet and don't really feel the desire to do special things for. New co-worker decided that sounded like a good idea and asked if he could have one too. Which resulted in me saying I don't do anything for anybody now. Now knowing myself the way I do, I'll still continue for those I like because I want to. But my friend...oh he's gonna get an ear full before he gets any treats from me again you can be damn sure of that.

And that really grinds my gears.

Postscript: I do get treats for all my guys occasionally to so it's not like they are totally left out they get candy at least once a month if not twice.

Strange Vacation (part 1 of the blog tour)

I've been tasked (willingly) to write about the strangest place I've ever been on vacation. And I have to admit I haven't gone that many unusual places but I do have an unusual vacation (overall) to write about. Me, Gehnen, Benny, Alyssa, and the whore had all gone camping in Shasta Cali. We went in Sept (right?) and for those that don't know Shasta is in NorCal and cold in Sept. We leave after everyone gets off work for a 6ish hour drive so we arrive to the camp site around oh midnight and try and set up camp in the dark with just our headlights to give us the ability to see. So we pull everything out and quickly find out that the tent poles are no where to be found.

Yes ladies and gents you are right in your thoughts, we have a tent at midnight in the cold Cali mountains with no tent poles. So we are trying to come up with something that will get us covered for the night as we have 5 people and one car and no way can everyone sleep in there (nor do half of us want to.) So we pull the shoelaces out of my tennis shoes and throw them over a branch and pull the tent away from the completely level camp area to a not so level camp area and 3 of us (me, Gehnen, and the whore) climb into the tent, that we loveingly named Lumpy, while Benny and Alyssa go sleep in her car.

It was cold and uncomfortable and we kept rotating who was sleeping where because the person in the middle was the warmest. And yet overall the whole trip was still amazing.

We went up to Panther Meadows on Mt Shasta and it was/is simply amazing. It's so calm and peaceful. One of the best places to go in my opinion. Shasta is known for it's other worldly experiences. Many have claimed they've seen aliens and I don't doubt that's possible. The pic below is Mt Shasta from a distance.


There are also claims that when the clouds gather over the mountain they are sometimes hiding spaceships. That is shown in this picture.


So now you have it the strangest place I've ever visited. Provided of course you don't think San Fran is strange (which it is but not quite the same).

Check the Blog Tour list to the right if you'd like to read about some other interesting vacations.

Zits

I HATE those zits that are under the surface that refuse to come up and let you get rid of them but they are so painful you don't even have to touch them for them to hurt.

Filthy Blog

Apparently I'm a dirty writer.

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