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Thursday, May 01, 2008

Reliving Highschool?

The Demon keeps saying I'm reliving high school with all the drama that I have going on. Only thing is I never had this much drama while I was in high school. So she says that I'm making up for it. But the thing is I'd really rather not. It's not like the drama is fun. Some of the things that CAUSE the drama are, I'll admit, fun but the drama itself not so much. The craziness going on in my head where I know what I think/feel/want is wrong but my heart doesn't seem to want to pay attention.

Fredrick has recently admitted to me that he cares a great deal for me. Yes yes I know he's still with his bitch of a girl. And yes I know I should put a screeching halt to this on both his side and mine and yet I don't. Why not? Because a part of me hopes that he will realize just how bad the bitch is for him and he'll leave her. And if he does I'll get to date him. I realize this is a completely selfish thing to want. So I guess that's where the high school part comes in. I like a guy who's with another girl and he likes me back and right now it's going no where.

I know that many people won't like or understand this part of my life. But I don't want to go into all the details. I'm starting to get used to people placing judgment on me for how my husband and I chose to live our lives. Again for anyone who is worried I have no desire to steal anyone away from someone they care about. I'm just waiting for it to happen so I can get what I so selfishly want.

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