update

For my sister:
I'm updating. I'm pregnant, I'm going to be living with my boyfriend as soon as his school year ends in about 2.5ish weeks. I'm going to be the maid of honor in one of my best friends wedding who is FINALLY marrying the person I've been trying to hook her up with since my freshman year in college. (You're welcome!) I'm due in August and can't believe I'm going to be a mother.
I still work at T-Mobile. I have lots of good friends and family.
My mom moved up to my town to be near her soon to be grand baby. No we aren't finding out if it's going to be a boy or girl. It's a baby 100%.

Happy now? :D

Half a year later...anyone still read this?

So yes this year is a much slower posting year than last. So much has happened since my last post. I'm getting a divorce that's the biggie. Am I happy about it? No who's ever happy about their marriage failing. Am I relieved? Yeah kinda to be honest. I still love Gehnen I always will. It wasn't a lack of love that ended the marriage. We both still love each other and maybe that makes it harder because we do. We just...we just aren't fit to be married to each other any more. We didn't see eye to eye on some key things in our lives anymore. Maybe it stemmed from being together since we were 19. Nearly 10 years later and we just aren't the same people anymore. I don't think either of us are bad people just not who we used to be, not who we each fell in love with all those years ago. I still have every hope and faith that we will be able to remain friends for the rest of our lives but I think it will take some time before we can really enjoy the friendship of each other. Right now we are both going through a lot of hurt. Some things still hit each other a bit harder because of the love we have for each other.

So we are moving on. Things start to really change in the middle of June that's when he moves out of the house. I'll be in the house till about November. There's a chance some other things will change that will have me moving out before then but that's not 100% known just yet. But regardless I'm looking forward to some change. Though I don't like moving I do like change I like a fresh start a time to start over.

I'm actually dating again. Am talking to a couple of nice guys, yet again met online. It's different to date. I've not really expierenced it before. When Gehnen and I met it was states away. And we didn't date, we talked we enjoyed time with each other via the comp or the phone but nothing face to face really till I moved to Cali. Now I'm actually going on dates while I get to know these guys. It's a unusual and fun expierence. I'm enjoying getting to know each other face to face.

That's my update for now enjoy

A new year...again

It's a new year again, so what's that mean now? I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet. A hope of something better that's for sure but there is always that. A sense of longing for the past year and the disappointment that it wasn't as good as you had hoped. There's usually that too unfortunately.

So where am I know? Still in Missouri about to finish year 4 and start year 5 in March. Working at T-mobile still and praying that I've been doing well enough to get a good shift in Feb when they fuck us all around again and not go back to seeing my husband only on Sat & Sun. Happily getting to know my Bulldog better. Hoping it continues to work well. Hoping all my friendships grow stronger and not weaker.

Strangely I feel a small sense of longing for what I know is unhealthy for me but I miss what it was even if it wasn't real. Even if I had been lied to for years to make it something that I wanted at all. Perhaps the saying "ignorance is bliss" is true. I was happy at the time though I now know that it was largely fake. Would I want to go back to that? Sometimes. Put me back in the Matrix...nah. I think I like honesty too much. I'd rather know the truth that continue to be friends with someone who secretly can't stand me. Not fun, makes you question other things when you learn the truth about that though, at least for a time.

I'm looking forward to this year. Hoping that this one succeeds where past years have failed. Perhaps, and likely, it's myself that's failed in the past so perhaps this will be the year that I can succeed at what I want. Have my dreams come true...figure out exactly what my dreams are. Isn't that sometimes the hardest part? Deciding what you actually want out of life so you know what to go get? Does it ever just click? When it's the right decision does it make itself for you or is there always that time of self doubt. That part where you go, is this right or wrong? Am I going to be happy in the long run or am I just royally fucking myself over by taking the left path instead of the right? That, for me, is the worst part deciding which way to go when you get to a fork in the road. Left or right, I wish I had some binoculars so I could see down the path of each a bit, find out which one has more happy spots. It's not that I want to know it all I don't. I'm just scared shitless I'll bake the wrong decision and be unhappy in the long run for it.
Surely someone out there knows what I mean? I'm sure we've all been there before. Well it's a new year and a new chance for the right choices at a new path. I wish us all the best of luck.

Happy New Year.

An update on me

I got a shift change!!!!!!!! Oh I'm so excited I get to see my husband (Gehnen) seven days a week now. It's amazing. Well it will be, I just started yesterday but still I'm oh so excited. I work M-F still which is great and I work 9:30-6:30 with an hour lunch. So I'm home around seven instead of 10:30 which I'm so so so excited about. It means no more having to cram everything I want to do into just 2 days.

My birthday was last week. I had a blast. Came home early from work and spent time with my family. Just chilled out watching TV and playing video games. Gehnen got me the next in the Tales of Symphonia series this one for the Wii, now I really need to hunker down and finish up the one I have. I think I'm pretty close but not really sure. Either way I need to finish it up so I can start the next one. Then on Saturday I went and had sushi with a bunch of friends for my birthday dinner which was great. Always love to be surrounded by friends for my b-day. And what better dinner than sushi! So yummy, I ended up having sushi three times in eight days I mean really you can't get much better than that. Ok you can but it'd be hard. :D

Also I've started seeing a guy I met on line. He's a real sweetheart. Been talking to him for about four weeks now. Bulldog is his tag for this blog here. He's got a dark streak but it's in a way I love not evil at all so no worries there. He's a very good friend and even if nothing else comes of it I'm happy to have him in my life. The worst part is just that he lives about an hour away so it's hard to see him on the spur of the moment and either of us going to see the other results in a longish trip and time away from our families just because you have 2 hours taken in travel time alone, well maybe an hour and a half for him I think he must drive like a bat out of hell on the highway.

The holidays are coming up. We're hosting Thanksgiving at our house again. Alyssa and Benny will be over as will Lushious most likely. So we should have a nice time. I unfortuantly do have to work the next day we were possibly going to be closed and now we for sure are going to be open. And yet I'm still going to kill myself and wake up at bitch o'clock in the morning and go shopping with Neri to get the good deals.

My mom is coming up here for Christmas which is very exciting. We've not been able to celebrate Christmas together since I moved to Cali and this will be the first holiday she's celebrated with Gehnen at all. On top of that I will have seen her for a total of 3 times in one year which is a record since I moved out of Texas. Whee!!

ebay

For those wondering...we won the thing I was obsessively clicking refresh for.

blah

My head hurts.

I had a good weekend though. I had Friday off from work cause my hubby was in a wedding on Sat and needed to be places on Fri. So I took the day off since under normal circumstances I would have been at work till 10 and he needed to be places by like 2:30ish. So I had a short work week. Got to see some friends with my extra time.

I went out to breakfast on Friday with a new friend hense forth named Wayne (for some fucked up reason, he picked it don't blame me) and that was fun. Getting to talk to him and get to know him better. My Demon showed up at the end of breakfast with Wayne and got to meet him. They got along rather nicely so that was a bonus.

After leaving my new friend, my Demon and I went to have lunch together. We had Indian food that was oh so yummy. Talked about everything we'd been missing on since we hardly get to see each other with my new sched being what it is. Talked about the possible new guy in my life which is exciting. The newness and such. Still not sure exactly what's going to happen on that front we shall see. But I'm hopeful.

Sat was a full day of wedding stuff. I did get to relax in the morning which I can't even say for Gehnen since he was a groomsman and busy all damn day with wedding shit. He had to be at the Grooms house by 9:45 and we didn't get home till oh...7:30 that evening. But it was a beautiful wedding. The bride was stunning the dress fit her perfectly and the groom was handsome even as nervous as he was. I ended up at a table where I was the only one who had never worked at the place they all have. But it wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. I hadn't seen some of them in a while and hadn't met some of them at all but over all it was enjoyable and once my husband showed up I was a happy camper.

Today I went out with Alyssa to lunch and then a bit of window shopping. I was looking for a new purse because I'm really wanting one but I haven't been able to find one I really like. I still haven't found one worth spending money on sadly :( But I did enjoy my time with Alyssa.

My headache is finally going away...

Before lunch with Alyssa I went shopping for Halloween costume stuff with Neri and Gehnen. I got the bulk of my costume but the time consuming part is going to be the hair/headpiece. I'm gonna be Medusa and I need to get the snakes worked into a wig so I can have that. I think it'll be great. I'm looking forward to Halloween this year. We are either going to a party or going to the Pub Crawl downtown. One way or another we'll be surrounded by drunkerds in great costumes so it should be a blast.

Ok that's all for now I need to go obsessivly click refresh on an ebay bid for Gehnen.

I really hate stupid people

So two days ago I talked to what has to be the dumbest person I'd ever talked to. I was at work. And on the whole at work I usually talk to pretty bright people or at least people who can communicate and live with the majority of society and not piss half of us off. This guy on the other hand....dear goddess help me please when dealing with people like this guy.

At the end of the 30 minute conversation I was praying that he was just fucking with me and not really that stupid. No really I was. I was half tempted to tell him to cut out the bullshit and stop acting like a moron because I really really hoped that he was just a VERY good actor and pulling my leg just to get his jollies.

The reason he called in? He needed to know how to send a text message, ok fine. I know not everyone deals well with technology (though my mom figured it out with out calling HER cell phone provider OR me). So that part of the call was ok. I easily walked him through the steps and he seemed to get it.

Then he mentioned how he liked that the "keys [were] hid" on his phone. Yes congrats you have a slider phone they are great I love mine too. Then he wanted to know about OTHER Samsung phones.... ok you JUST bought this one and you haven't even really used it yet (I know because he set it up and called into us) but you want to know about other phones...fine. I give him the run down on other samsung phones. He asks which one I like best, well I don't really like telling someone which phone they should pick because if they don't like it they call back in and bitch because the person who told them about the phone didn't tell them about X (insert grip here).

So I tell him maybe he should go to the store, there he can see what kind of phones they have available and see which one he likes the most. He finally sees that this is a great idea, bad news...no my company corp owned stores in his area. But wait there is a Target... I tell him let me give you the number so you can call and make sure they have the phones you want to look at (he had narrowed it down to a couple based on my descriptions)

This is the part where I decided I'd rather take a spoon and dig my eye out than stay at work and talk to him. I give him the number to Target 856-623-2068...So it's 856-23-0286....no, no it's not. I repeat it 8.5.6....6.2.3....2.0.6.8, Ok I got 856-23- is the zero before or after the two......it's after....ok so 0268?.....*me starting to look like an insane person because my eyes are growing wide* No it's 2....0....6....8. Ok so is the zero before or after the two?....ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?!?!?! I'm not kidding I read the number off PAINFULLY slow. I gave him PLENTY of time between each number to write it down directly as I was speaking it.

Now before anyone posts nasty bitchy things to me. Yes I know that perhaps he was dyslexic I did think of that. However he claimed the acct was in his name and you have to be 18 to have an acct in your own name so there for by this time in his life you would HOPE he has at least had some kind of teaching that allows him some tricks as to how to live and cope with dyslexia if that is indeed his problem and not just years of inbreeding. I'm not kidding you I read that number well over 20 times to him. I said each number again with so much time in between so that he could just start fresh and write down the number as I said it and not have to worry about which was in front of what.

And after all that...after saying them so slow an arthritic grandmother who has alzheimers would memorize the number. He didn't get it right. I lied to him. I'm sorry it was awful of me but he just.didn't.get.it. He didn't there was nothing I was going to say that would help him figure out what the fuck the number was. He was simply an inbreed idiot from Alabama