A new year...again

It's a new year again, so what's that mean now? I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet. A hope of something better that's for sure but there is always that. A sense of longing for the past year and the disappointment that it wasn't as good as you had hoped. There's usually that too unfortunately.

So where am I know? Still in Missouri about to finish year 4 and start year 5 in March. Working at T-mobile still and praying that I've been doing well enough to get a good shift in Feb when they fuck us all around again and not go back to seeing my husband only on Sat & Sun. Happily getting to know my Bulldog better. Hoping it continues to work well. Hoping all my friendships grow stronger and not weaker.

Strangely I feel a small sense of longing for what I know is unhealthy for me but I miss what it was even if it wasn't real. Even if I had been lied to for years to make it something that I wanted at all. Perhaps the saying "ignorance is bliss" is true. I was happy at the time though I now know that it was largely fake. Would I want to go back to that? Sometimes. Put me back in the Matrix...nah. I think I like honesty too much. I'd rather know the truth that continue to be friends with someone who secretly can't stand me. Not fun, makes you question other things when you learn the truth about that though, at least for a time.

I'm looking forward to this year. Hoping that this one succeeds where past years have failed. Perhaps, and likely, it's myself that's failed in the past so perhaps this will be the year that I can succeed at what I want. Have my dreams come true...figure out exactly what my dreams are. Isn't that sometimes the hardest part? Deciding what you actually want out of life so you know what to go get? Does it ever just click? When it's the right decision does it make itself for you or is there always that time of self doubt. That part where you go, is this right or wrong? Am I going to be happy in the long run or am I just royally fucking myself over by taking the left path instead of the right? That, for me, is the worst part deciding which way to go when you get to a fork in the road. Left or right, I wish I had some binoculars so I could see down the path of each a bit, find out which one has more happy spots. It's not that I want to know it all I don't. I'm just scared shitless I'll bake the wrong decision and be unhappy in the long run for it.
Surely someone out there knows what I mean? I'm sure we've all been there before. Well it's a new year and a new chance for the right choices at a new path. I wish us all the best of luck.

Happy New Year.

An update on me

I got a shift change!!!!!!!! Oh I'm so excited I get to see my husband (Gehnen) seven days a week now. It's amazing. Well it will be, I just started yesterday but still I'm oh so excited. I work M-F still which is great and I work 9:30-6:30 with an hour lunch. So I'm home around seven instead of 10:30 which I'm so so so excited about. It means no more having to cram everything I want to do into just 2 days.

My birthday was last week. I had a blast. Came home early from work and spent time with my family. Just chilled out watching TV and playing video games. Gehnen got me the next in the Tales of Symphonia series this one for the Wii, now I really need to hunker down and finish up the one I have. I think I'm pretty close but not really sure. Either way I need to finish it up so I can start the next one. Then on Saturday I went and had sushi with a bunch of friends for my birthday dinner which was great. Always love to be surrounded by friends for my b-day. And what better dinner than sushi! So yummy, I ended up having sushi three times in eight days I mean really you can't get much better than that. Ok you can but it'd be hard. :D

Also I've started seeing a guy I met on line. He's a real sweetheart. Been talking to him for about four weeks now. Bulldog is his tag for this blog here. He's got a dark streak but it's in a way I love not evil at all so no worries there. He's a very good friend and even if nothing else comes of it I'm happy to have him in my life. The worst part is just that he lives about an hour away so it's hard to see him on the spur of the moment and either of us going to see the other results in a longish trip and time away from our families just because you have 2 hours taken in travel time alone, well maybe an hour and a half for him I think he must drive like a bat out of hell on the highway.

The holidays are coming up. We're hosting Thanksgiving at our house again. Alyssa and Benny will be over as will Lushious most likely. So we should have a nice time. I unfortuantly do have to work the next day we were possibly going to be closed and now we for sure are going to be open. And yet I'm still going to kill myself and wake up at bitch o'clock in the morning and go shopping with Neri to get the good deals.

My mom is coming up here for Christmas which is very exciting. We've not been able to celebrate Christmas together since I moved to Cali and this will be the first holiday she's celebrated with Gehnen at all. On top of that I will have seen her for a total of 3 times in one year which is a record since I moved out of Texas. Whee!!