Pizza

So last night I had a pizza, not so helpful in the whole losing weight thing. I did really well during the day. I snacked but all healthy, a banana, a granola bar. Then at home I got upset and to sooth my feelings I went and got pizza for dinner along with a soda. I knew while doing it that I shouldn't. That it would hinder me not help me but that didn't stop me. *sighs* I regret it today. I really lack will power. I need to work on that. But today is another day and a new beginning and hopefully I will do better. I have a healthy lunch I had a good breffust. Today I will do well.

On another note I saw La Vie en Rose this weekend. It is a French film about the life of Edith Piaf. An amazing French singer. She was accepted as the country's greatest pop singer. She lived such a hard life. And the actress who played her, Marion Cotillard, was abos-fucking-lutly amazing. She played the woman from about the age of 16 till she passed away in her late 40's. She's up for an Oscar because of it. The actual singer has such an amazing voice. And such a hard life. It's one of those stories where you can't help but wonder if life would have turned out the same, if she would have become the singer she was if she had had an easier childhood.

positive note

I turned down Burger King tonight even though I want salty foods and have a hard time doing so I did it. I had a sammich and a banana instead. go me!

The woman who grew too fat

Hi, that would be me. I have regained all the weight I lost in '06. Such a depressing thought and feeling. I really really don't like being this way. My husband would say so change it. But as anyone who has ever had weight to lose it's not that simple. Goddess knows I wish it was.
I read an article recently about a woman who was a writer for a magazine, no I have no idea which. Anyway she started a blog about her weight loss. She said that was the biggest motivation for her. That knowing people out there were reading up on her weight loss and commenting on how good or bad she was doing. Even her co-workers knew about it (because it was for the magazine). She said it was good and bad having co-workers come up and comment about her weight loss to her face.
So anyway long story short..ha! (my husband would tell you that just doesn't happen when I'm talking, I ramble) I am going to try her method, along with the D word and exercise (exorsize? ya know like exorcism. :D ).
I got home today changed, put my dog on her leash and went for a 30 min walk. Now I have been exorsizing recently (everyday last week to be specific), my household recently bought a machine but I needed to get out of the house today. It's starting to stay light longer so I can do it, at least on the warmer days.
I ate a bunch of really bad for you food today though, my excuse is that I'm ragging (sorry I know a bit to much tmi but hey it's my blog I'm allowed). But really I have lost what little will power I had. So I have to try and gain it back. And I guess I'll do it little by little. Perhaps I'll blog when I have the desire to eat something I shouldn't....so I should be on her about 10+ times a day. But hey at least it will force me to be honest and public about it.
Wish me luck I guess cause hopefully I'll become the woman who grew just right soon enough.

hurt feelings

It's amazing to find that someone who you haven't seen in a year can still reduce you to tears. I found out yesterday from my husband that a former friend of mine was more comfortable sharing her life and problems with him than with me. This is a girl who I used to consider my best friend in the entire world there is nothing that I wouldn't have told her. And I once thought she felt the same about me. And then it comes out that no she didn't. She couldn't trust me with her family secrets but she could trust my husband whom she was close friends with for about oh...3ish years. Apparently that trumps the 18 years that we were supposedly best friends.
I don't even know why this still hurts me considering we haven't been friends for almost a year now. My husband is a good man and he's still kept his word to her and kept her secrets. And honestly it wasn't not knowing what they were but the fact that she just flat out didn't trust me. That's what hurt. This woman...someone who was supposed to be my friend, my sister. The girl who grew up with me. We were going to go to college together. I was her maid of honor. She was my unofficial matron of honor. I hosted her baby shower. How do you have a relationship like that and still not trust the person? I'm not saying I need to know all her family's closet skeletons. It just hurts to find that when she needed to talk to someone she went to my husband, not even another life long friend (I know she has/had 2 or 3 besides me). If it is so painful so secret how can you share it with someone you've only known 4 years but not the person that has grown up with you and shared so much with you?
What did I ever do to make her not trust me. What happened that a relationship like that can end so suddenly with no real rhyme or reason.
I don't think about her often but it's shocking, or maybe not considering how I felt about our past, about how painful it can still be to know what she thought about me and how she felt about me.

So this is what it's like...

I will warn you, gentle reader, that this is going to be a very whiny post and I'm quite aware that once I get over my little pity party I will see just how silly I am being but until then I feel quite justified in my feelings so you get to read about my pity party. That being said if you don't want to read this now that you've gotten past the warning I really don't give a shit.

So this is what it's like to realize that the people you thought were friends to both you and your husband are largely just his friends....if that. People that came to birthday parties and get togethers to pay on the Wii are unable to make it to a party billed as slightly different. While we likely still would have played the Wii (and those that do make it will still play) the invites went out a bit differently. For one they were hand made by yours truly. I put thought and effort into them in hopes that people would like them. It wasn't a by word of mouth party it was a real invite with an RSVP. Which by the way only one person RSVPed (Thanks Greg). The rest just ignored the request of an answer. A big fat screw you! Why thank you. I'm always glad to see that no one gives a flying fuck about me. *big sarcastic grin* My husband had a birthday party a mere 7 months ago and the same people were invited save for I think one couple. I think everyone invited was in attendance.

Now I do realize that a birthday party is a story of a different color and that people may feel the need/desire to go to a birthday party rather than one for no real reason however the same people were also invited to MY birthday dinner and a handful of invitees attended. Not that those that came are unappreciated I love the people that came to my dinner I'm glad they came and I enjoyed their presence but it just sucks NOW that out of the 20+ people invited to my party I believe a grand total of 6 are coming and 2 of those also made other plans that night and thus will be here for an hour...maybe two. I know I'm not the end all be all of people or parties but damnit it would have been nice if you know a few more had come.

Ok I think I'm done spewing my bile onto the intarwebz.

driving

I'm coming home from buying a book and I'm in the center lane to turn onto my street. There is a car in front of me and a car on my street assumably waiting to turn onto the main street I'm currently in the middle of. Now one would again assume that when you turn onto a street from the middle of the main road you aren't going to be stopping but will continue on at least until there is a place to turn correct? You normally wouldn't stop as soon as you turn onto the road right next to the car that is waiting to turn off of the same road so that you can hand something out your damn window to the person in the other car! Well that is what happened to me today. I had to swerve to avoid hitting the idiot that stopped in the middle of the road when she turned onto my street. I honked my horn at her before pulling into my driveway. Now as I'm getting out of my car she is using the driveway across the street from me to turn around. She only pulled onto my street to pass something out her window to the idiot in the other car. And she took the time to yell out her window at me that I needed to get off my phone and learn to drive...because apparently it is very normal for her to STOP WHERE THE STREETS CONNECT!!!! So I lowered myself to her standards and told her to go to hell before walking into my house.

But on a good note the book I bought was very good I enjoyed it lots even though my friend didn't. She was sad about one point that, for her, undid the good point that happened.

random chatter

Not really sure what to say but I want to write something. They say you can become a better writer simply by writing every day. It doesn't have to be a novel but so long as you write you are improving your skills. I doubt they meant writing posts on message boards. Though I'm not sure a blog is much better after all isn't it just a message board that no one really responds to? :D No I suppose not I guess it's more like an online journal that all the world can read. Does anyone read this out of the few friends and family that I've given the link to? Heck I doubt they even read it anymore. As scarcely as I write anything. I had I think a grand total of seven posts on here last year. Simply amazing. I posted more on myspace I guess because I know more of my friends look there. Which is better? Neither probably. Some people hate myspace. I don't think it's something to be hated. Rather something to be careful with. Some people shouldn't use it. Some use it for bad others are just simply too clueless. I use it because I talk to my nieces more on there than in any other medium. Perhaps that should change too. Seems weird to call out of the blue after never calling them before. But I probably should. I love them. I miss them. My family and friends are the reason I wish I was back in TX but then I don't really want to be in TX I just want to be closer to my loved ones. Not that I don't have them out here in MO. I've met some great people, I've met some not so great. But that is life isn't it? We meet the good the bad and deal with it all. I think that's all for tonight. I'm getting tired and my eyes are tired and I want to take out my contacts and crawl into bed. My husband will be there soon and that is a good thing. ;)

2007 in summery

So '07 has ended and what has happened in our part of the world this year? Well here it is in no particular order.
My brother and sister in law moved out and into their own house on the other side of town. We see them less but the visits are happier so there is much rejoicing.
My house mate got a new job that she loves and is no longer in retail.
I got a new job that I love and am no longer in retail.
My husband got a new job he can live with and is no longer in retail.
My brother in law got a new job and then got 2 or was it 3 promotions. And is no longer in retail. Goodbye retail hell may you rot for all eternity.
My sister in law got a promotion making it full across the board that all Missouri clan members either got new jobs or promotions last year. Hers was the last but I told her it had to happen as she would be the only one left out if it didn't.
We have acquired a new dog in the house. Found him wondering around outside the house the night before Thanksgiving. Looked for his family for about 2 weeks including calling the humane society to see if anyone had reported a lost dog. No one had so we have adopted him into the house. He's a white husky and his name is London. He's calmer than Lacey and even V.
My husband, brother and sister in law, and I made a trip out to Cali for husband and BIL's grandmothers 80th b-day celebration. Got to see the family out there and play with a baby cousin.
Husband and I celebrated our second anniversary. And this year marks 8 years that we've put up with each other. He has recently started saying that I tricked him into loving me and that I need to inform everyone of this fact. I don't know of an easier way than to put it on the net for all to see. Happy husband? :D
We decked the halls nicely for Christmas and have to leave them up till some certain members of the family make their way out here so we can celebrate one last time.
I think that covers the main points. I hope you all had a tremendous New Years Eve. I have a feeling this year is going to be a great one.
Love, luck, and happiness to everyone!